Modern Day Commitment                           

We all want to live happy lives and most of us find love and go on to celebrate that love by getting married.  We perceive it as the most happiest day of our lives and the excitement and expectations peak.  We jump for joy until.......we realise that outside the love nest the cruel and tactless world demands every day financial commitments and for many the working hours get longer and you have targets to meet otherwise the bills will be sitting on the shelf.  Love does not pay the bills.  Money complicates matters immensely.  The powerful and silent demon wickedly takes hold of your life and gives it a good throttle.  You will find that your once vibrant and affectionate love has been trampled on by the harsh hand of reality.  If you do not make ends meet; you struggle; you argue with your partner and you will inevitably create bad feelings.  Romance and passion by then are definitely out the window.

With all this financial stress and your partner resorting to one or two word conversations with you, the children do not make it any easier.  Naturally it is not their fault but we all know that children have a world of their own and their thoughts are very different to yours.  Your unconditional love for them strives on and your unconditional love for your partner becomes conditional.  Dare I say political.  Your senses begin to assess the other's attitude towards you and very quickly you will find that all the bad and annoying little habits grate on you.  The worst part is you accumulate all these negative points and immediately establish a distance between you and your partner.  Your eyes dismiss all the wonderful things you shared in the past and your understanding takes a devious turn.

In some cases, your partner's reluctance to make any effort for you becomes quite suspicious. You sometimes cry and other times you get angry.  Then one day it all finally adds up in your mind.  She/he must be having an affair!  That can only be the answer.  Now the inspector's hat is on, you look out for any shred of evidence to lead you to that awful conclusion.  Mobile phones are usually a good source of information, the flying rumours may get on your nerves and your mounting paranoia will hit the roof, no doubt.  All inevitable feelings but shall we be real?  Why procrastinate?  Just confront your partner and very shrewdly scrutinise the body language, the attitude towards you and the actual words used to explain the awkward situation.  Throwing punches or using a baseball bat are not recommended.  Once your partner sheepishly gives it away and confirms your suspicions, interrogate further and act as if you actually understand the dilemma.  Play it reasonably cool to pump out as much information as possible.

Jean-Paul Sartre, the great French philosopher once stated that you always make your own choices.  You choose what to do in your life and when you decide not to choose, you are in fact choosing not to choose.  Bottom line, we are always choosing.  We are always choosing to make decisions however minor or major.  You cannot get away from this concept.  For example: you choose to smile at her; you choose to laugh with her; you choose to lightly touch her shoulder perhaps her hair; you choose to look deep ino her eyes; you choose to get closer; you choose to turn your mobile phone off so that you do not get disturbed by your wife; you choose to kiss her and from there onwards you trap yourself into a tangled web of triumphant deceit and a fake criminal record.  I imagine the most infuriating moment after having heard the distressing truth is the actual reasoning placed forward by the offending party.  Are you supposed to listen to why he put his hand down her blouse and then made out with her?  How will any of this sordid explanation demonstrate an acceptable and valid excuse?

Our incessant pursuit for happiness makes me think that maybe there is no such thing as happiness.  We all have this firm belief that our happiness awaits in some shape or form but in fact we are making reality work, to a certain degree in our favour with little regard of the consequences.  Love is nice, love makes you blind and love makes you a different person, hopefully, a better person.  However, we must all wake up to the modern day sensation that majority of our feelings are only for the moment.  Sadly that is the modern day commitment level.  Otherwise you would be seen as demanding and much too profound for anyone's liking.  Personally I find this quite a worrying prospect because it seems that we search for more reasons to be unhappy than happy.  It should not be like that.  If things go wrong in your life the fault always lies within your own home.  You do not need to look elsewhere.  You will slowly but surely determine the root of the problem.  Once you learn how to be honest with yourself only then can you face the serious reality of the mess you have made.

Want to share your own views? I would be pleased to hear from you. Email me on - tasmin@astingingaffair.com

                                       'The Naughty Corner'

How dare you cheat on your partner!  You complete and utter blind fools!  Who on earth do you think you are?  If having an affair is an agreeable activity then try out this test and if you get a positive reaction from it then your relationship is dead and buried.  Ask for your partner's permission to have an affair.  See what they say.  Surely it makes sense given that you are true and open with your partner from day one?

Those who revel in adultery should be made to explain themselves and their exact reasons behind their infidelity in the 'naughty corner'.  They should question why indeed they decided to abuse their partner's trust and risk their relationship for something that probably was not worth chasing.  Once the spark disappears then what do you do?  Go back to how things were until the next catch?  Some of you may already do this and oh boy are you living the ultimate lie of your life.  It will catch up with you.  Make sure you are prepared.

Working hard at your marriage should always be a priority.  Your wonderful memories together and the sheer scale of time that you both have invested in each other's lives surely reflects a true and impressive lifetime achievement.  Secretly sharing a bed with someone and high grades of dishonesty are just stinging filth that you can live without.  If your hormones are telling you otherwise, get a bucket of ice and put it down your pants.  The frostbite should ward off those adverse thoughts and actions.

Problems at home always seem to spark off this type of behaviour.  Dig deep into your thoughts and question why you really felt the need to commit adultery and put all at risk.  The 'naughty corner' should be the real opportunity to let it all out.  If you are a liar and a filthy cheat then please have the courtesy to let your partner know.  Surely this act of decency is part of the deal when sleeping with another person, you stupid, narrow-minded, selfish, heartless losers?